When it comes to music, Christmas is not actually the most wonderful time of the year at all... but there are exceptions. So slot in a new C90, hit play and record, take careful note of the below and make yourself a mixtape you can actually enjoy as you decorate the tree...
1. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – Darlene Love
A tour de force of almost unbearable longing, lush pop symphonics and astonishing vocal performance. Without this, there would be no Last Christmas. (Take that however you like.)
2. Fairytale of New York – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl
Well, it had to be in the top two at least. Top pop fact: there is no actual NYPD Choir – the lyric refers to the nickname New York cops gave to the loquacious Irish in the drunk tank. Clever lad, that Shane.
3. Stay – East 17
The third saddest Christmas song ever written (see Darlene Love, above, and Joni Mitchell, below) was not supposed to be a Christmas song at all, pop pickers. Also, amazing white parkas.
4. Sleigh Ride – The Ronettes
Another full-on symphonic Phil Spector classic from the only Christmas album anyone really needs. And a happy song at last!
5. River – Joni Mitchell
What can you say? It’s genuinely heartbreaking. “I wish I had a river I could skate away on…” Christmas isn’t always about jolly fat men coming down your chimney, kids.
6. All I Want for Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey
Oh come on! This will still be regarded as a classic centuries from now. Forget what the snobs say, it’s actually a masterpiece.
7. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) – John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Is it happy? Is it sad? It’s a whole lot better than Imagine, put it that way.
8. Christmas Wrapping – The Waitresses
Possibly the only sort of realistic Christmas song ever written (let’s be honest, quite a lot of the seasonal rigmarole is a bit of a hassle), this irresistibly fizzy dancealong was somehow never an actual hit, only peaking at No. 45.
9. December Will Be Magic Again – Kate Bush
It’s Kate Bush. It sends tingles down your spine. It is, in fact, magical.
10. 2000 Miles – The Pretenders
Another sad/happy Christmas staple, managing to be both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. And the way Chrissie Hynde captures all that within the opening lyric, stretching “gone” and “miles” – first descending, then rising – is nothing short of wondrous.
11. Little Saint Nick – The Beach Boys
Everything the Beach Boys did in the early ‘60s was fantastic, obviously, but writing a Christmas song that somehow still feels like a sunshine-soaked surferama? Go on Brian, lad.
12. I Was Born on Christmas Day – Saint Etienne (featuring Tim Burgess)
Irresistibly bouncy and completely joyous, this picks you up, swings you madly around the dancefloor and leaves you with a massive smile on your face. Not convinced it’s really a Christmas song at all, mind, but who cares?